This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
