So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
