Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
