my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
