last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
