Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
