I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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