She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
