I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
