hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Houston, we have a blender
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
