my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
