btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
