Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
