I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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