My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
