I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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