New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's rum buckets o'clock
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
