dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
