A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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