Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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