I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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