Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
