i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
