my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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