the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
