weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
