I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
