Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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