He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
