You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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