No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
