so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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