I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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