i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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