We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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