You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
