Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
