I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
