Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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