And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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