someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
