remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
