You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
