Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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