He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize