He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
