So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
