I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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