Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
