I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
