It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
