I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
