your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
