Nicole vs. Life
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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