apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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