I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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