What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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