And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
