Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
