And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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