I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
