I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
