pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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