i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
