I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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