I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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