Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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