yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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