I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
did you just send me my own nude
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
