mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
