my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
