Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
