How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
