just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
