Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
