My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
