I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
