it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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