my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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